Monday, October 18

Day 21: Still no questions

So...yah.  No, I haven't been blogging as much as I prolly should for the last couple of weeks.  A bit of it has been work, but a lot has been that I'm running low on new things to say. 

Let me explain.

I have been seeking and asking and pursuing for almost 30 years now.  About 3 weeks ago, Dad gave me all the answers.  I figured that it may be a developmental plateau or a stage or something.  Now, it's starting to really sink in that it's not just a phase or something I ate, but a more permanent effectual change.

Crap.

You see, a lot of my personal identity has been bound up over the years with being a questioner, an observer and analyzer.  Now?  Now I have a working model which neither denies nor engages questions, analysis or observation, but rather turns the whole process on it's head.  My rational mind has spent the majority of the last three weeks racing like a chihuahua on crystal meth, desperately attempting to find a chink in the armour...some niche in which to grab on.  It's pretty much lost the fight, at this point.  I am sure that there is some philosophical terminology that describes what I'm referring to, probably associated with Taoism or Buddhism.  Not that it matters.

So, I'm out of questions.  Day by day, the screaming and hollering of that logical mind that has to have a puzzle to solve is becoming fainter.  Not sure where things go from here, but Dad does and he'll let me know when it's time.

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