How often have you been in church and heard the prayer go something like this...."oh gracious and merciful Lord, all-knowing and ever-loving creator....." and then it drones on, reminding said deity of his proper place, the nature of salvation and so on. Have you ever wondered what it must be like to be on the other end of that conversation? This particular screed was triggered by the part in the Eucharist where we all, as a group, say "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you. Only say the word and I shall be healed."
And this is when one of my favourite scenes from Pulp Fiction comes in. This would be from the 'Bonnie situation'...which I would rename 'the Bennie Situation'. I shall paraphrase the exact exchange.
Benedict XVI: Mmmm! Mercy, Lord! This is some serious healinz! Usually, me and Georgie would be happy with some Manischewitz right, but he springs this serious gourmet salvation on us! You are truly incredible, did you know this?
God: Knock it off, Bennie.
Benedict XVI: [pause] What?
God: I don't need you to tell me how good I am, okay? I'm the one who is Omniscient. I know how good I am. Even the devils bow down to me and acknowledge how good I am. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the salvation in this cup, it's the hypocrite in my Church.
Benedict XVI: Oh, God, don't even worry about that...
God: [interupting] No, No, No, No, let me ask you a question. When you came into communion with me, did you notice a sign out in front of My Church that said "Old Hypocrite Protection"?
Benedict XVI: Lord, you know I ain't seen no...
God: [cutting him off again; getting wrathful] Did you notice a sign out in front of My House that said "Old Hypocrite Protection"?
Benedict XVI: [pause] No. I didn't.
God: You know WHY you didn't see that sign?
Benedict XVI: Why?
God: 'Cause it ain't there, 'cause protectin' hypocrites ain't my business, that's why!
At this point, Jehovah goes all Old Testament on their a$$ and such. At least, that's how it works out in my head.
Anyways...my point is that we tend to pray as if God is some dottering old man who needs to be reminded at every turn how good, powerful and merciful he is and that we're not jews, but under that 'new contract' which doesn't require blood sacrifices or circumcision.
"Oh Riiiiiiight. NEW Testament God now...less with the smiting and more with the salvation. I recall sending the boy out for something, that must have been it. Probably important, that is. I should write that down somewhere. Now where's me spectacles...."
Yes, yes....I realise that this is all silly and the point is not to remind God, but rather to remind the laity about the nature of God, etc. etc. but please....
"Knock it off, my dear cleric. I don't need you to tell me how awesome my God is, okay? I'm the one who's received salvation from Him (not you). I know how awesome my God is. "
That's why we're there in the first place. Don't treat God like a some senile deity and don't treat the Body of Christ like we're all little children.
Just sayin.
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